The weird thing about the virtual world is just how virtual it really is. You take a hiatus from reading and writing blogs, tweeting and message boarding and after a few days the whole virtual world starts to feel like an illusion. You realize that you could just stop existing and never go back. Virtual suicide is an easy and readily available option.
So that’s what’s been going on. I’ve been contemplating virtual suicide.
Actually, the truth is that I’ve just been really busy with life and work. Another school year is drawing to a close. The Great Recession is taking its toll. The perception is that we’ve all got to give more. We should be grateful to have work, especially work that is mostly creative and enjoyable. And it’s true. I am grateful for what I have and I am giving more. There’s no resentment but it comes at a cost. There’s definitely less time for virtual living.
That’s not entirely true either. I’m having an identity crisis. My real identity and my fake identity are fighting with each other for control of the virtual world. I blame Twitter.
Many years ago, I created this fake online avatar so that I could exist in the virtual world without censoring myself. Well, I still censor myself somewhat, but I liked how the relative anonymity of the ‘Cody Pomeray’ persona allowed me to discuss things – personal, political and other – that I wouldn’t necessarily want connected to my professional life.
Then Twitter came along. I really like the form of Twitter. In my approach, podcasts are designed for rants and interviews that benefit from verbalization. Blogs are designed for essays that require a more deliberate and thoughtful approach. Twitter is perfect for stray ideas and mini-conversations.
After I got sucked into Twitter I found my virtual and real worlds colliding (the exact reason why I don’t Facebook). I started following people that I knew in the real world. It felt disingenuous to Twitter with people without telling them who I was. That was the beginning of the trouble.
I also started to realized that the professional face that I was presenting online was incomplete and disingenuous. I had limited my “official” online presence to an entirely corporate and entirely one-dimensional voice. It didn’t represent the true or whole me.
So, I’m not sure what to do. I’m starting to write and tweet under my real name. But in doing so, I have to censor myself more. So what do I do with the more personal stuff like politics, ‘fat boy remorse’ posts, rants, music reviews, etc. that aren’t necessarily appropriate for work?
I guess I could keep posting that stuff here. But if VoC only represents the 'inappropriate' material, then Cody would come across as a phony and a douchebag. What a headache. I guess I need to figure out how to strike a balance between the appropriate and the inappropriate and between the real and the fake.
Now I really wish that I believed in maya.
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Friday, June 12, 2009
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26 comments:
Cody, don't leave! I know your dilemma. I've often wished I had created a blog that was anonymous, but then that comes with some editing too... it's nice to kind of let it all hang out and not worry that someone will identify me (of course, I have to do this in a private blog).
I don't understand the appeal of Twitter, so I can't help you there.
Good luck- hope you find a good balance and don't leave us all hanging!
I'll put in a second vote for you to stay - love your blog, and the podcast! I'm all too familiar with the dilemma you're facing - I've started to grapple with it too. I've opted to keep my yoga blog 'yogic' and put the off-the-mat content elsewhere. Good luck in finding your answer.
just because the world we live in IS an illusion doesn't mean it doesn't exist. aside from what most dualists say, they are not mutually exclusive. maya is comprised of consciousness. as with all opposites they simply "exist" in relation to the other. they are not separates that have to culled from some dark foreboding realm of our imagination. but real time avatars reflecting our own state of consciousness.
Liz & Kai - thanks! I'm not really going anywhere, just try to find the yoga of blogging!
Anon,
That was a joke, but thanks for explaining the theory. I'm down with Patanjali's view in sutra 2.22:
2.22 Although knowable objects cease to exist in relation to one who has experienced their fundamental, formless true nature, the appearance of the knowable objects is not destroyed, for their existence continues to be shared by others who are still observing them in their grosser forms.
(krita-artham prati nashtam api anashtam tat anya sadharanatvat)
no, they don't "cease" to exist. if i understand the scriptures correctly, nothing can be destroyed; only transformed. so when one experiences the true nature of reality that reality is transformed. it does not cease to exist. only it's nature. i.e., the way we see it. tat tvam asi. they world is as you see it.
well, that's the old yoga v. advaita debate, isn't it.
Patanjali "proves" that the world is real by establishing that the world continues to exist for other people even if a yogi achieves enlightment and views prakriti on a more subtle level.
maya is the coloring of the individual's mind, affecting how they view reality/the world. like you said - matter isn't destroyed, it transforms OR is viewed through a different lens.
Patanjali doesn't "prove" that the world is real because it continues to exist and is simply transformed when one reaches enlightenment. because first of all you have to establish the criteria for reality. and that criteria is and always will be subjective.
besides, put anohter way, what constitutes reality? who you are at this moment? who you were a moment ago? who you may someday become? no, reality is now. the only thing real about it is itself. that self is eternal. nothing else. it can't be changed by the minutes on a clock, or someone's imagery journey to enlightenment, or twitter, or better writing skills. you read too many books. try writing more, not for tweeter or your fans, but for who you are. eternal as the night sky. illusive as flowing water. both, but neither. what more do you need.
You have to continue because you have this one awesome anon who will clarify everything, CP.
Also, I won't allow you to off yourself. You can grow all the new limbs you want, but amputation is not necessary! Come on!
I'm with TTASI: there's no contradiction here!
love always,
Speaking of extra limbs...
Frogs with limb deformities
you have my permission as long as you put Commodore Yogi in front of the real name.
but what about the politicum stuff? shouldn't the ole cowboy handle those?
what if Anon is Cody himself, Plato-Socrates-like philosophically reflecting? still it's good reading.
When CP is no longer fun, then you can whack him. But be quick and humane about it -- don't dangle him in front of the crowd so that his admirers can plead and wail and make a big emotional scene. But if you do off the Commodore, make sure to keep the character in mind in the future. You may find it profitable to open a fish-n-chips joint or something like that, and the Commodore would be just the ticket for pitching the enterprise to the public. Who wouldn't want to order the buttered fish and bacon basket from the Cody Pomeray?
Scripture is written by people who are trying to figure out things, not by those who've figured out things. So scripture should probably be considered as not the most reliable way to sort out whatever is sought.
Owl,
Thanks. You're sweet.
Carl,
Point well taken. I much prefer the "burn out" to "fade away" model and don't ever want to seem like I'm clamoring for undeserved compliments.
Ideally, I'd like to just write and tweet under my real name. But does that mean that I have to limit myself to writing about things that are work appropriate? Perhaps.
For now, I've downgraded CP from an alternate persona to just a blog and we'll see what happens. If I don't update for a while then I guess you'll know which persona won the battle!
Arturo,
Maybe it's time to move back to a country that lets you freely roam on the internets? :)
That's one of the curiosities about showbiz peeps. If a person has to censor himself in order to allow his real-life personality to remain worthy of public scrutiny, but he is free to express his thoughts on a blog wherein he adopts a made-up name, then which personality is the one that's made up? But then, with no censorship, we end up with 100% genuine disingenuous catastrophes like Britney Spears monopolizing public attention. Maybe it's best just to be a cave-dwelling hermit. Cave-dwelling hermits have badass yoga practices, you know.
To the Anon talking about Reality and the fleeting moments of time, Are you Buddhist? If I remember my Buddhists schools, Theravada? Oh wait, you don't seem to believe in anatman.
phejjeff skulks away...
Cody is neither a phony nor, well, that other word.
Wait a minute... this blog has moved from orange/yellow to green. CP, are you implying that you've evolved a notch?
Well... maybe it'll take time for you to re-emerge. But my RSS feed will wait as long as it takes...
as ever, ovo
Back when I was into the chat room thing (like most people, for a period in between discovering them and realizing I could create a new completely uninhibited identity and realizing how bogus that was), I had a couple of identities which, I realize now, are still kinda floating around out there. Perhaps I should've had them commit virtual suicides in their chat room worlds...though, then, people would probably think that I was actually committing suicide at home and would freak out...so, guess it's just as well I didn't....
I'm pretty much done with the blogging thing, too. And with the Facebook SuperPoke Pets. We could all get together online and sip cyber-cyanide Kool-Aid, Heaven's Gate-style. Except our suicides would be merely virtual, and we'd all go back to our regularly scheduled reality programming immediately afterward.
Sigghhh... I miss the regular doses of VoC...
I went through the same dilemna, mostly a writer's block. But slowly coming back and not writing as frequently.
We miss you.
Come back to us!
Cody's over here now:
http://mitchblum.wordpress.com/
He's also a "Mitch"
Maybe if we collectively spam his new blog, he'll start to talk about yoga over there.
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